How to keep your kids safe on social media. Wait - let me rephrase that…. can you keep your kids safe on social media?
Going to call out the elephant in the room…
many will say “my child isn't allowed on social media”
And bravo for all of you who do that!
For everyone else, read on.
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Let's start with the easy ones
Facebook
- no kid these days is on facebook. lol its old peoples book in their eyes. My son is 23 and he's only on facebook to keep up with family. Who are all, old, according to him.My daughter, at almost 13, has never even brought it up. TikTok, instagram, snapchat…. those are a different story that we will get to.
IF by chance your kid IS on facebook (I feel like I am actually writing this for no reason but I am going to write it anyways) the friendly app is your friend.
You can be logged into multiple accounts at the same time on multiple platforms. Your kid has a facebook? Set it up on friendly so you are a click away to access their account whenever you want. No, it won't log them out if you are logged in and viewing. You can view in real time to see posts, friends, messages - you will be logged in AS THEM. So you see it all without ever having to logout of the facebook app on your phone. Now that facebook is out of the way….. lets get to the others
INSTAGRAM
you can use the friendly app for this too. But what I do is I have my daughters account set up as one of my dropdown account choices. I am logged into her acocunt and get notifications in real time. Follow requests, messages, tags, posts, comments - all of it! I just select to go to her account and viola!
This goes back to rule one - having full access all the time.
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Now - for rules. AT least the rules we have in my house. Are they perfect? Nope! But we give it a good old try! These are not in order of importance - just rules as I am thinking of everything we laid down and suggestions that came in when I asked other parents on Instagram what rules they have!
Rule 1 - already stated. It's not HER phone. It's mine. I have access 24/7. Remember stop drop and roll? Well, it's more stop, hand it over, roll your eyes all you want but I am going through every inch of it whenever I want.
Rule 2 - It is linked to me phone via parental controls. When setting up your kids iPhone (sorry droids I dunno anything about yours) you can be the “parent” iCloud account that controls their phone. You can set screen time limits, complete with a password, set what apps are allowed or not, limit times on apps, heck with the touch of a button, not even anywhere near their phone, you can shut the whole thing down and set it so the only thing they can do on their phones is call or text you. Learn more about parental controls here
Rule 3 - this isn't one I personally use as my kid uses her phone for her alarm clock as well, but many parents have a rule that their kids phones are with them after a certain time at night. I totally get this - out of their hands completely. For us, we use the parental controls in rule 2 so - her phone becomes useless for anything other than texting or calling myself, her father, her brother, etc after a certain time.
Rule 4 - and I stated above. All her social media accounts are linked to MY emails and I have them downloaded on my phone along with her username and password. Change the password? I block the app. Share your password with someone? I get the email about it. Punishments incoming. Again, many parents say no to social media across the board and if thats you - great! If not, rules, rules, rules. I also allow some as not to put her in a bubble - but let her float a bit until, well until its time to burst that bubble.
Rule 5 - GPS their asses. Yup - it's a non negotiable! We use Life 360 and swear by it!
Speaking OF that - and this is a BIG ONE!
We have talked about (as she is almost 13 and does go off to ride her bike with friends, or two friends homes etc. What do you do if you are approached? Grabbed? On Life360 I can see and track not just HERE she is but also how fast she is moving. Riding her bike? 10 mph - now if I suddenly see her stop, or go from 10-45. She's no longer riding her bike.
We have discussed, if anyone ever grabs you - the first thing they will look for is a phone…. toss your phone under the drivers seat, make it hard for them to find it, grab it, would have to take time to search for it, reach for it. I can track you, call police while watching you, get directions and more.
I realize ^ that is all great in theory and will be kid (or anyones kid) remember to do this, be able to actually do this? GOD FORBID! I dunno but we discuss it often.
Rule 6 - something I grew up with my father beating into my head. “If you are doing something, saying something, wearing something, you wouldn't do, say or wear in front of me. You shouldn't be doing, saying or wearing it. Period the end” This applies to how you behave on social as well. Snap that photo? Make that face? Leave that comment? What would I SAY (what will I say) when I see it? Would you do that in front of me? Would you be comfortable sharing it or sending it to me? How about your father? If the answer is NO - do not do it! Cause - we WILL see it.
Rule 7 - See everyone as a stranger online. Until that friend request or follow request is confirmed to ACTUALLY be your friend. They aren't. Friends of friends? Yeah no hard pass on that. We check friends lists and follow requests ALL THE TIME and I share - see this profile? See that link? Do you know where it will take you? Do you ACTUALLY know this person? ALL must be approved and validated. While we do this - we teach warning signs.
Rule 8 - it's not your RIGHT to have the phone - it is your PRIVILEGE to have the phone. Thou giveth and thou shall taketh away. Grades falling? It's gone. Communication issues? It's gone. Basically I can take it from you anytime I want and for any reason.
Rule 9 - you break it you buy it.
Rule 10 - BE KIND - phones and social media are a breeding ground for bullying, picking on others. It's truly disgusting the things I see, comments and posts - even when they are not calling the person out directly. You know when you see it.
Sometimes kids think they are being funny or sharing an inside joke - but that inside joke is quickly made public once a comment or post goes up. A TikTok trend as of late is posting a TikTok actually inviting comments to call out your “red flags” - while some kids might be able to handle this - others, not so much. What someone may be self conscious about is quickly called out and followed by mass agreements, jokes, belittling and more.
On top of setting rules for their OWN comments and posts, keep open communication about all of these things. What they feel when something is said. How to NOT invite it and what to do when it comes their way. (Cause it will come their way) Often we have conversations when I see a comment I feel is mean or hurtful. I always ASK first, welcome a conversation. How did that make you feel? What is this about? You sure you are ok with that? I mean I have seen grown as men and women get torn down on social media and struggle to handle It, let alone a child.
Is Social Media Threatening Teens’ Mental Health and Well-being?
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